Do you always say words you don't mean?
by mystakenidentity
Summary: I though we were in love ... but apparently love didn't mean as much to you as it did to me. KLAINE...both past and present
1. Denial is easier without you

Helllo hello... long time i know ... but i've been watching Glee and i had to write something so this is a preview of a story i'm thinking of writing ... tell me what you think ... ummm i dont know if í'm writing Kurt properly but i'm working on it ... this was kind of a spur of the moment thing '

so read on ... dear readers

read on

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"_FINN HUDSON …. I SWEAR YOU ARE A COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOT….pause…. HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND RACHEL BEEN MARRIED FOR ….pause….DONT ANSWER THAT…pause…IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION FINN…pause.. YOU NEVER GIVE HER ONE WORD ANSWERS WHEN SHE'S ASKING FOR YOUR OPINION….pause…. NO FINN NOT EVEN IF THERES A GAME ON…pause….OK, OK I'M DONE …pause…. REALLY ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SING TO HER ….pause…NO NOT THAT SONG, NOT TO RACHEL…pause…" he sighed loudly "FIGURE SOMETHING OUT FINN I HAVE WORK TO DO …pause… OK THEN TEXT ME YOUR SONG CHOICE BEFORE…pause…DON'T YOU DARE …pause … BEFORE YOU SING IT FINN HUDSON_…thank-you I'll talk to you later… pause.. Bye Finn, good luck"

I knocked loudly on the door, to make my presence known to the previously occupied young man sitting at the desk.

"Oh, is it two already?" he asked looking over the clock before getting up and giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"Indeed it is my love, so you are late beautiful but don't worry I covered for you" I whispered wrapping a hand around his waist leaning my lips against his forehead.

"Thank-you kind sir, how will I ever repay you?" Kurt mocked looking up to me

"Well I think we can both think of a few things" I smirked and raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Kurt then proceeded to hit my arm giggling before rolling his eyes " Come on, Jeremiah will kill us if we're any later than we already are!" seeing my disappointed look he added "Sweetie if we make it out of that meeting alive I'll bake you cookies"

I rolled my eyes as my boyfriend of three and a half years dragged me out of his office and down the corridor into the meeting room.

I should probably mention at this point that my extremely attractive and wonderful boyfriend and I work at ***THE PERFECT MOMENT***, which is a wedding planning company, well it's a bit more than just a company… it's the best wedding company around, you see the company is owned (part owned for me and Kurt are co-manager/owners) by a good friend of ours Jeremiah Ringhwoud, his family has been planning weddings forever and we pretty much own all the resources to pretty much make any wedding the prefect moment… hence the name of course that also means that because we are the best we cost the most and most of our clients are snobby and rich which pretty much suits me fine for I was raised among the snobby and rich until I was kicked out at the age of nineteen. But for Kurt, although he held his own well, he was always on edge around new clients which is what we were dealing with today. This was why it was no surprise to me when he suddenly stopped and checked and re-checked his appearance.

"Kurt… honey you look splendid, would you like to go in now?" I asked lightly

"Of course" was the only reply I got before he opened the door of the office gripping my hand lightly while pulling me inside.

"oh so you both finally decided to show, everyone may I present to you Mr. and Mr. Low"

Inside the meeting room was a group of about twenty people who just stared at us, some smiling and others looking confused.

Kurt growled softly, looking at the floor I knew he felt weird whenever Jeremiah joked that he should just take my name because we already act like a married couple and although I didn't mind I also knew that I had to say something, for Kurt wouldn't not in front of the clients anyway"

"Back off Miah, seriously so are you going to introduce us to the bride and husband to be?"

"Sorry … ok so may I introduce Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, who are both old friends of mine, I promised then I would plan their wedding from when we were little, I knew they would end up together although there where times when I doubted it"

Kurt was still looking at the ground so I decided to make the first move and properly introduce myself.

"Hey, its nice to meet you I'm Devon Low" I extended a hand out to the young groom to be who was staring at Kurt, but it was his future wife who answered.

"Stacy Fuller and this is my fiancé Blaine Anderson"

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i know its kind of a work in progress as i've said ...

tell me if its worth continuing

J-D


	2. Three cheers for my mistakes

hey guys ..

this is short and leaves gaps and i do admit my grammer sucks

but ... the next chapter will make up i promise ... but untill then Enjoy

Oh and thank you all for the reviews and i'm sorry if the story line is confusing don't worry

it will clear up in the coming chapters after you get background ...

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I don't know how long we spent staring at the other... I was barely aware that I was staring. All I was thinking was why... why him... why here... Why now that I've just accepted rejection and finally moved on or started to at least... Why her...why not me... Why...

Someone cleared their throat loudly

I looked up to find everyone in the room looking at us both strangely, it was only then that I realized that I hadn't introduced myself properly.

Taking a deep breath, I put on one of my biggest and fakest smile and held out my hand "Kurt Hummel, nice to meet you" the bride who I think was named Sarah smiled lightly before nudging Blaine to do the same.

He reached out his hand to touch mine but I couldn't ... I pulled my hand away just as my phone rang ... I silently thanked any god that may or may not be out there for this opportunity.

I smile inwardly it was Finn or Rachel giving me an update on their latest fight , which usually would have annoyed me but right now I really just need to get out of this room... away from him... away from them all.

I look down at my phone pretending to frown "I'm so sorry... I'm actually working another wedding at this point, it's in a couple days ... so this is kind of important" I head towards the door "it was really nice to meet you both, can't wait to work on your wedding ... sorry once again" and with that I left the room, practically running to my office and slamming the door shut before locking it and pulling the blinds shut leaving me in darkness.

I decline Rachel's call... I can't talk to him right now, not in the state I'm in at the moment ... I'm surprised I acted calmly and rationally back there instead of running out the moment I saw him.

As tears roll down my face I realize that I can only think of one person who could make me feel better ... like she did the first time just by being there.

"Kurt Hummel you are pathetic ... useless and a disgrace...you can't do that to her... you haven't talked to her in what four years... no four years , three months, five days and what fifteen hours, twenty three minutes but who's counting " I sigh my shirt damp from tears she probably won't even pick up after what you did but who can really blame her ... " Kurt Hummel you broke her heart and you can't expect her to forgive you ...after what you did ... just because you need help.. She didn't even invite you to her wedding... you had to hear about it from someone else...Quinn... you can talk to her instead" i know talking to yourself is the first sign of madness but at this point i really don't care.

I don't know how long I stayed in there before I finally called Quinn... I was ready to talk to someone without a total breakdown ... no way was I going there again.

"Hello?"

"Hey Quinn"

"Kurt... what's up... me and the girls are out for an early dinner and drinks, Rachel tried to call you earlier but you weren't answering"

"Oh"

"Kurt are you alright?"

I paused, holding back a sob... I wasn't going to cry, not again "thing is Quinn, I really need to talk to someone right now and really you're the only one who would willingly talk to me who could understand"

"Kurt ... what happened"

My voice goes quiet, I feel so weak and pathetic like I did back when he first left "he's back Quinn"

"Kurt honey... who's back" I hear voices behind her ... voices of people I've missed ... people who won't talk to me anymore... what are you doing Kurt...

"This was a mistake ... I'm so so sorry for ruining you evening ... have fun" I broke... tears pouring once more down my face ... who was I to ruin her wonderful evening with all her friends

"Kurt..." I end the call

My office phone rings, once, twice, three times before I pull out the cord ... I need to get out of here.

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so what'd you guys think

let me know ... if you still wanna keep reading the next chapter will be up sometime next week :)

J.D


	3. Dark Days

**OK so... hey guys**

**It's been a week ... since i posted anything so this chappie is one of my longest for i felt bad ... see i started this one chapter a week thing to keep me writing... so this one counts for last week and this week cause its longer than my other ones ...**

**Warning you once again my grammer sucks ... still looking for a beta ...**

**Thank you no1KurtHummelfan and Totallystarstruck for your reviews ... for they motivated me to write this chapter ... and thanks for subscribing to my story ...**

**Well read on young Klaine fans ...

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**

It was six thirty by the time I arrive home two weeks after what I'm now calling the event, the lights are on and there are voices inside, I'm tempted to just turn around but the front door to my apartment opens before I get the chance. As I'm pushed inside I notice that there are people in my apartment who I haven't seen in years ... not because I don't want to but because they refused to talk to me ... what was this ... How to slowly and painfully torture Kurt month...

It is then that I realise that they have all stopped talking and are staring at me like it's weird that I'm in my own fashionably designed apartment .

"Damn you look like shit white boy" I turn around and face the girl I betrayed all those years ago, when my problems all began.

"And you my dear Mercedes are looking as fashionable as ever" I mutter unsure if I was allowed to talk to her... "For a married woman that is"

Her eyes flash "hold up white..." but I don't let her finish "now look, I've just had the shittest two weeks of my life and would like to kindly ask you all to leave before you make it any worse"

She looked ready to argue once more but I cut her off "look, I know what I did was wrong and that I hurt you but ... Please... you can yell at me all you want later or if you must do it now just please leave" I was ready to cry and really didn't want any of them to see me when I did.

The past two weeks had gone from bad to worse and tomorrow it would go straight to hell ... I was meeting up with Blaine and his soon to be... Wife and I don't think I can handle it really, I've seen them the office together and have generally avoided all contact with them but there was really no avoiding it inevitably.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when a hand enclosed mine... I looked up to see the beautiful young woman I had hurt so badly gazing back at me there was no anger or retribution in her eyes just concern and dare I hope ... love.

"Kurt, honey ... we haven't come here to do anything of the sort" she started

"Then why are you here?"

"Kurt just let me finish... it's been years Kurt and what you did was bad, it was wrong and hurtful and I do admit that for a while I truly hated you... I couldn't even think about you without wanting to smash something"

I attempt to pull my hand away from hers to get away but she holds on to me tightly.

"You're not listening white boy... I got over it ... eventually, I took me a while before I realised I lost my best friend because of something stupid... and every day I regretted it and every day I would dial your number but never call... the way I acted was ..."

"Mercedes... you acted like you should have ... I slept with your boyfriend ... the boy who you were head over heels for... you were in love and I ruined it...I deserved everything I got and more"

"no you didn't , I mean yeah it was bad but if you didn't someone else would have he was a man-whore who had been sleeping around with everybody, he didn't even like me Kurt, we ... me and you were just a bet to him and guess what he won... when I found out that he had been playing us I was so cut, I wanted to kill him... but more than anything I wanted to talk to you but I was so scared that things would never be the same ... I was scared to try and by the time I weren't you had a life, you were happy... I didn't want to ruin it for you... I'm so sorry "

I was crying by the time she finished ... I pulled her in for a hug "I missed you"

"Finally after what four years?" Quinn smiled

"Four years, three months, seventeen days ..." Mercedes started

"Ten hours and thirty three minutes roughly" I smiled

"Whatever it was way too long" Finn rolled his eyes

"Still I don't know why you've all forgiven me ... what I did was ..."

"Will you stop already; I thought we just established that you were not to blame ... also you were really drunk because someone * looks in puck's direction* gave you some really strong alcohol, you were not to blame also because some asshole broke your heart and you were carefree and easy one night... it does not make you a bad person ... just a stupid one...also STOP BLAMING YOURSELF ... Cause at this point you are the only one who is..." Santana glared at me looking annoyed

I raised an eyebrow "emmm... thank you" I paused "just one question though why now... of all times over the past four years did you guys decide it was alright to be friends with me again because with the exceptions of Quinn, Brittney, Mike, Finn and Rachel none of you have even tried to contact me ... hell Cades you got married without me being there I had to hear it from Carole ... how come nobody ..."

"Hold up white boy... we tried and you ignored us ... hell I sent you three invitations and called four times and was rejected each and every time..."

I was so confused, "I didn't get anything from any of you ... nothing"

"What about when I brought it up and you said you didn't want to talk about it" Finn asked

I frowned thinking back to the time we had coffee a few years ago and how Finn carelessly brought up the topic of Mercedes' wedding "no offence Finn but you've never been good with feelings you say things before you think and I just thought that that was one of those times"

"oh ... so that's why you aren't trying to kick us out ... cause your boy toy told me to piss off cause you didn't want to see any of us freaks from glee... I nearly punched him but, I thought you might have been pissed so I..." Puck trailed off'

"My boy toy? I've got a boyfriend sure but I mean he just moved in and... oh, Eric "

"Who?" Tina asked speaking up for the first time.

"he's my roommate , a bit of a fashion reject but generally a nice guy" I smiled, that short description didn't do him justice really ... Eric had been my first close friends at uni, he had listened and gave awesome advice, he looked out for me and even offered me a place to stay when I was kicked out of my apartment, after a week of apartment hunting Eric suggested that we could be roomies for he had a extra room and I needed a place to stay... he even let me redecorate ... needless to say we were close.

Puck snorted "yeah great guy, really polite when he tells us to get lost"

"He's just overprotective ... that's all, he's nice when you get to know him" I defended

"Uh huh... and Santana didn't screw her dance teacher a couple years back" Sam smirked

They all laughed and suddenly I felt so out of place, I have no idea what Sam was on about... he had been out of the loop for so long that...

"Kurt" I looked up to see once again that they were all staring at me ... Oh Gaga, I swear my attention span is getting less and less with each passing day.

I smiled "sorry, what did you say"

"I said" Rachel started

But Mercedes cut her off "we want to know why you've been so distant lately"

I raised an eyebrow how would she know we haven't spoken for four years but before I could find a witty retort Finn spoke " Kurt, your my lil bro and I'm trying to look out for you ... so please don't be mad but me and Quinn talked and we gathered everyone here today cause your acting like ... Like you were before... when he left"

"yeah Kurt, I've spoken to Devon and from what he tells me ... well us, you don't sleep Kurt there are bags under your eyes to prove it, you barely eat I can tell because you look like a stick and trying to contact you is hopeless, you never answer your phone anymore ... you've thrown yourself into work and in the last half hour that we have been here you've looked like you want to cry more than once so we as your ever loyal friends demand that you tell us what's going on or we are not leaving" Quinn jumped in with a voice that left no room for argument.

I sat down not knowing what to say, but knowing I had to say something ... I sigh loudly "I'm planning Blaine's wedding" I whisper but they all hear me the emotions that dance across each and every one of their faces change from surprise, to anger and finally to concern and I realise that despite the fact that we have spoken in ages that they still care and suddenly I feel like I'm going to cry.

Tears poured down my face and felt like I was falling into that spiral of nothingness once again but then I felt hands around me squeezing the air from my lungs and my sobs soon turn into shaky laughs as they all yell out the evil things they are going to do to him ranging from Puck's lets break into his house and sell all his stuff on eBay to Britney's we'll eat all his wedding cake, you can't have a wedding without a cake; then he can't get married.

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It was much later that night promising to meet up soon after exchanging numbers. I was doomed to spend my night alone due to the fact that my lovely boyfriend Devon had abandoned me to go see his pregnant sister and wouldn't be back for a few days and Eric was staying at Lisa's for a couple of days.

it was as I was sitting alone on my couch that I realised that his sudden appearance must be more than a coincidence it's as if fate brought us together to us another shot ... and I was 't going to give him us so easily this time ... fiancé or not ... I knew two things for sure ... Blaine Anderson was defiantly not straight ... I have pictures and memories to prove it along with eye witness accounts ( For Finn claims he would never forget the first time he walked in on us... although it was not his last encounter with Blaine and myself in ...what one would call compromising positions nor was he the first to do so or the last ... it was after Dad walked in on us one late December night that we remembered to lock all doors and shut all windows) and the other thing was that he was still in love with me and although unlike my first conclusion I have no proof of it, I can feel it and I'm not giving up on us until his final vows are said.

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**So what did you think? Like it hate it ?**

**next chapter will be a flash back and there will be KLAINE ...**

** and lots of it dear readers for i feel like i need more KLAINE ... **

**so random flashbacks are a MUST to keep the ...KLAINE-E-NESS of the story ... :0**

**Jade**


	4. The twisted walk down memory lane

HEY GUYS

so i'm back ... i should be studying for my end of yr exams but i ceebs

so here i am once more procrastinating but thats ok cause you guys get another chapter out of this ...

thank you all once again for subscribing and reviewing ... you guys make me feel special so thanks

anywayz hope you guys like it

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Four years ago ( Kurt's senior year)

"Hello stranger... long time no see"

"Oh my Gaga ... Blaine ... no its not 6.30 already is it?" Kurt asked wide eyed turning to face his boyfriend.

"no, not exactly" Blaine replied a forced smile on his face as he steped a couple of steps to the right blocking the clock on the wall from Kurt's view.

Kurt frowned and took out his phone to check the time but before he could Blaine swiped it from his hands.

"Blaine ... what are you doing?"

" noth... nothing ... i just thought that now would be a great time to change your ring tone ... you know personalize my to make it different from everyone else... cause I'm your boyfriend..." Blaine smiled brightly but Kurt noticed that it didn't reach his eyes.

"Blaine ... you already know that your ring tone id teenage dream...what's the times Blaine... just tell me" Kurt raised an eyebrow waiting.

Blaine sighed handing Kurt's phone back " its no big deal really Kurt...you were busy, your slaving away on your audition piece to make sure you get in ... there's no shame in that"

"BLAINE ... OH MY GAGA ... its 10.30am... on Saturday ...i swear i..."

but Blaine cut him off "i know Kurt... its ok"

" NO its not ok ... i was supposed to meet you last night 6.30pm ... for our date ... i stood you up ... i am the worst boyfriend ever... i am so so sorry"

"i know ... its no big deal ... i figured you weren't going to come anyway" Blaine mumbled

"I love you and i am so sorry ... that makes it what the third time i've stood you up for one reason or another ...oh Gaga"

"Seventh..." Blaine said finally looking up

"Pardon?"

"its the seventh time you've stood me up" the fake smile finally slipping

"Blaine I'M soooo soooo sor..." Kurt started but Blaine wasn't finished.

"GOD...KURT... I KNOW... I KNOW ... YOUR SORRY ... GOD YOUR ALWAYS SORRY AND I'M SO SICK OF IT" he yelled "its just ... its all you ever seem to be saying to me now ... I'm sorry i stood you up Blaine and then i say its ok Kurt even though its not and then we reschedule and then we just repeat the cycle and I'm so sick of it ... so lets not please ... i know FOR GOD'S SAKES KURT I BLOODY KNOW " Blaine ran his fingers through his hair his back facing towards Kurt.

the silence that followed Blaine's out burst hung over them until Blaine finally headed towards the door.

"Blaine...don't...don't go ... please...lets talk" Kurt's voice cracked a little as he spoke tears rolling down his face.

Blaine turned immediately crossing the room and gathered Kurt in his arms.

"I'm sorry ... i didn't mean to upset you love... i just ... your shutting me out and i... I'm worried" Blaine whispered softly

"Your not the one who needs to be apologizing ... its just ...what if I'm not good enough ... what if i can't get the music scholarship in New York ... for all these years its never been a possibility for me to not get in but now ... its just you didn't see everyone at the open... i just ... you seem to think i can do it and you have so much faith in me and i just don't want to let you down Blaine... I Love You" Kurt mumbled

"Never ... Never doubt yourself Kurt ... Courage remember... you are the most Talented, amazing, stylish, organized and passionate person the world has seen and there is no way you are Not getting in ... just remember i believe in you, so you have nothing to worry about ...your Amazing Kurt never forget ... I Love You too"

Blaine kissed Kurt lightly ... before Kurt deepened the kiss pulling Blaine by his shirt so that they were laying on the bed, Blaine laying on top of Kurt their legs entwined, hands moving to remove shirts which were restricting further movement.

"DUDE..." a unsuspecting Finn yelled as he walked into his step-brothers room

Blaine and Kurt sprang apart although their hands were still connected.

"Finn what the hell" Kurt yelled

"Dude, brunch is ready and i came to ask Blaine if he wanted to come over to Mikes to watch the game and then play some Modern Warfare...?"

Blaine looked at Finn and then at Kurt " thanks Finn but i think i'm gonna hang out here..."

"sure your not gonna get bored dude?"

"I'm sure Kurt's more than capable of keeping me occupied and entertained for a while..." Blaine smirked

"Always.." Kurt smiled

"DUDE... MY STEP-BROTHER..." Finn yelled wide eyed

"FINN HUDSON GET OUT NOW..."

as soon as Finn shut the door Kurt turned to Blaine " are you sure you don't want to go ... i heard that the stupid game was new or something ..."

" yeah it is ... but I'd rather be here with my hot boyfriend"

"and you claim to be unromantic" Kurt smiled

"Kurt ... this may sound a bit to straight forward but ... one day... maybe days,weeks ,months or years from now but one day I'm going to ask you to marry me ..."

Kurt gasped softly " well Mr Anderson one day i will walk down a room full of family, friends and loved ones having the wedding of my dreams and say i do and when i go to kiss my groom it had better be you waiting for me down that aisle... i love you"

Blaine burst out in laughter ... smirking "OH MY GOD ... THAT WAS THE FUCKING STUPIDEST THINK I HAVE EVER FUCKING HEARD HUMMEL... AS IF I'D EVER REALLY LIKE AN IDIOT LIKE YOU.. PATHETIC...NOBODY WILL EVER MARRY YOU ... BECAUSE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH ... THIS WAS ALL JUST A BET ... I AM NOT GAY AND I AM MOST DEFIANTLY NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU ... OF ALL PEOPLE...AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY ... BECAUSE YOUR A FUCKING TEASE...YOUR A FAG AND I'VE GOT A PROPER GIRLFRIEND..."

Blaine pushed Kurt up against the wall his lips so close to Kurt's "you want to know the truth Hummel ... you mean nothing to me ... because your a fag and who really wants to date a loser like you ...really"

Kurt's eyes water Blaine s harsh words finally sticking ..." Blaine ... you don't..."

"Stacy love ... you can come out now..."

An attractive young woman stepped out of Kurt's closet a video camera held in her hands... she presses a button and Blaine's voice echo's around the room loudly.

"he's ridiculous Wes i mean seriously he thinks I'm in love with his or something ... how desperate is he... although he does have good reason because he has nothing going for him at all ... no redeeming qualities what so ever..."

"Kurty, Kurty ,Kurty..."

Kurt woke up with a jolt his head narrowly missing Eric's.

" Eric?... whats going on?"

" Kurt, you were yelling in your sleep when i got home...are you ok?"

"I'm fine"

"BULLSHIT... please talk to me ..."

" i... it was a memory... but not"

"did it involve Anderson?"

"yeah ... "

" did you want to talk...?"

" do i have a choice?"

Eric raised an eyebrow and gave Kurt his perfected 'Kurt bitch stare' " what do you think?"

"It was a memory i have back when me and Blaine were together ... it stated out normal and then the end of it ... i know the end it didn't happen but ... but it felt so real" Kurt fought back a sob

" you need to move on... yeah sure you may still have feelings for him but really this is only going to end up in heart break for you..."

" i know ...i just i don't know ... a couple of months ago i had my life perfect and now ... i just what am i going to do Eric?"

"right now ... Kurt you and me are going to get that tub of ice cream out of the freezer and then we are going to watch all your favorite Disney movies" 

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SO how'd you like it

let me know

i can't tell you when the next update will be but it will be soon

J


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